Just Checking In

Not that anyone ever reads my blog, but I thought that I'd put up another post since I have time on my hands.

Viewer, a lot has happened since I last posted. A Lot.

So.

I am not going to attempt to catch you up on my life because 1. That'd take wayyy too long and, 2. That'd force me to remember over a year of stuff.

But, let's just pretend, Viewer, that I never went away and we're totes caught up…. Okay?

Good.

And now that we've gotten that settled, I'll have to postpone any other posts until a later time, because it's 1:02 in the morning and I have classes and meetings in the morning… or rather later today.

If I don't post before Thanksgiving, I hope that you, Viewer, have a fantastic holiday!

-anna

I'M SO SORRY

I’m so sorry, Viewer. I’ve neglected, abandoned, and left you out in the cold… or rather hot (summer is fast approaching where I live) to fend for yourself without any blog posts which was rather inconsiderate of me, right? Well, I don’t have any excuses really. I’ve just been lazy and tired and stupid. Graduation’s in less than a month AND I CANNOT WAIT TO BE FINISHED WITH THE PRISON THEY CALL SCHOOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Anyway. I did promise you a picture, right? So, what do you want to see? I’ll give you some options.

If you want to see a cute cat, look here:

If you want to see Chris Hemsworth being a hunk, ogle at this:

If you want to see the St. Luis arch turn your eyes this direction:

If you want to see someone mowing their lawn, cast your gaze on this beaut of a picture:

So, Viewer, there is not only one picture I promised you, but 4 pictures total. I’m a pretty great blogger, aren’t I? (...you don’t have to answer that one…)

Moving on.

I’m trying to plan my summer and right now I have about 4 weeks planned. 3 consecutive weeks, and one straggler. But, what I’m really hoping you can help me with is ideas of things to do when I’m home and not somewhere exotic (exotic read as Orlando. Haha. Yeah, I’m pretty adventurous, eh?). I am contemplating visiting a friend who lives in a foreign country, but I don’t know if that’ll work out – you know, money doesn’t grow on trees.

So, Viewer. That’s about it for today. I hope you don’t hate me too much, and if you do, I hope you’ll forgive me quickly. I’ll make it up to you, pinky promise (:

Peace out, yo.

Excuses, Excuses...

Oh, Viewer, please forgive me! I’ve been neglecting you, haven’t I? Well, there’s sort of been “legitimate” reasons why I’ve not been posting very often…

Would you like a peek into my life, Viewer? … … … … (I’m waiting for an answer!) … … ..(You are interested? Okay, here goes!)

Well, okay, as a senior this year, I am overwhelmed with work from my classes! Seriously, Viewer, it’s tough! And with a hard work-load comes lots of other things like a lack of sleep or drive or energy or ideas for my blog.

Plus, I spent this past Thursday-Saturday at a music showcase. And for those three days I was singing, practically all day.

So that’s it. I’m sorry. I seem to complain a lot. But at least this week I don’t have a list. ;)

So, I promise to be more regular about posting. And I promise not to complain or make excuses for myself in the next post. And I promise to include a picture in it, too. :)

What Would You Do With a Million Dollars?

I recently asked myself this question, Viewer, and you know what? I couldn’t think of a good answer. Yeah, I know that’s strange. But, seriously, the first thing that popped in my head was to go out and buy shoes. Now, don’t get me wrong, I have a little bit of an obsesh with my shoes and I would indeed purchase some new pairs of zapatos (Spanish for shoes), but I feel as if there are plenty of other things I could do better…  Which led me to more thinking about what would really, really do if I had 1 million greenbacks.

When you think about it, you could do a million different things with that amount of money. So, after long and ponderous thought, I decided what I’d do with the money. (You know, I don’t even know why I’m figuring out what I’d do with money I’ll prolly never have… A hopeless dreamer am I.)

First I’d tithe to my church (a given). Although, after giving the church the money, I’d no longer have control of how it’s used, but I would secretly hope that it would either be put to a foreign missions fund or a can-we-please-finish-redecorating-the-youth-rooms fund. ($100,000)

Then I’d either buy or build new houses for my parents. Not that either of their homes are nasty or shoddy, but they could be better. ($600,000)

After that (I now have $300,000 if I did my math right… :/ ) I would prolly start a scholarship fund for disabled kids like my brother ($25,000). Similarly I’d donate $25,000 to both my high school and college ($50,000).

Fourthly I would give money to a charity -- maybe Habitat for Humanity, but I’m not sure ($25,000).

And now with the $200,000 I’d have left over, I’d use $10,000 to fund a new wardrobe… Selfish, I know, but I like to consider myself a fashionable girl… *insert sheepish face here*

So, what would I do with the $190,000 left? Hmm… I would take $90,000 and give $10,000 to 9 random, yet deserving, families or individuals – just because.

And finally, I would divide the final $100,000 into savings accounts/bank accounts/trust funds/I-don’t-know-which-I’d-choose-yet  for my future children.

So, Viewer, that’s what I’d do. And if I ever get 1 million dollars and I’m showing signs of being a greedy butt-face, please, kick me in the shins and show me this blog post. I’ll thank you later (prolly). :)

Comment below and let me know what you would do with that insane amount of dough – I’m curious! :)

Model UN is not for the Weak

So, Viewer, I’ve just recently returned from a weekend-long Model UN conference. In case you aren’t aware, A Model UN conference is basically a gathering of smart students who share interest in politics and other countries pretending to be ambassadors of various countries and solve all the world’s problems. Enticing, no? :) Welp, this one was held at Earlham College in Indiana, and it was my third MUN.

I was representing the delegation of Japan in the Human Rights Council. We discussed issues like the refugee crisis in Western Sahara, Roma minority rights in Europe, the struggle for power in Myanmar. Earlier this school year I represented Italy in a MUN conference in Dayton and won third place in my council. That was very fun and exciting and I couldn’t wait to go to Earlham…

Little did I know that this MUN would be about actually doing, you know, stuff. Previously I could get by with my charm, wit, and great hair (totes being sarcastic here :D), but then, at this one, I actually had to know what country I was delegating (…okay, so that’s a bit of a stretch, but, do you get my point, Viewer? The other participants there were extremely knowledgeable not only in their country but also in everyone else’s.)

However, I did learn a few things (oh boy, another list!)

1. Never trust a guy who introduces himself as “Tom.”

2. You can gain a lot of leeway in sessions if you choose to dress rather provocatively.

3. France is very easily offended, Portugal wants to be your friend, and the UK is crazy.

4. The cafeteria microwaves are by the bagels.

5. When people invite you to a party, they don’t actually have a plan to get a party started.

6. Even if your bus is late, you are not excused.

7. Sneaking out is not always a good idea. Especially if you’re a generally unwise person.

Even though I just listed a butt-load of reasons why MUN isn’t great, I still had an AWE-SOME time. I would go and do that again – in a heartbeat. Model UN, though not for the weak, is definitely for the spirited. If you like to be bossy, manipulative, loud, strong, and a leader, Model UN is for you. Though, politics is not, and I repeat, NOT, in my future, I like MUN because I can release my inner diplomat.

MUN’s fun. You should try it. :)

How to Write a Term Paper

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Sorry, that was my head banging the keyboard numerous times to release my frustration. Why are you frustrated, Anna?  Thanks for asking, Viewer. I’m frustrated because I have to write four term (also called “research”) papers in two months. Yes. You read that correctly – FOUR!!!!!!! One’s due this Thursday – wish me luck.

So, amidst this torture my English classes have released upon me, I’ve come to realize what exactly it takes to write a term paper, and, being the kind and benevolent soul that I am (baha! Oh the sarcasm.), I thought I’d share with you my revelations.

How to Write a Term Paper in 5 Steps or Less

1. Go to www.google.com

2. Search “free term paper essays”

3. Download essay

4. Pick a few words and find synonyms for them

5. Turn it in

Actually, don’t do that. That’s called plagiarism. Which is bad. Real bad.  I have come to personally hate the concept of plagiarism, because, in order to prevent it, I have to cite my sources, insert parenthetical documentation, and make an effort to think of something original myself. Why can’t, when it comes to term papers, we just adopt those great socialist and communist ideals of “everybody shares everything!” Wouldn’t that be glorious?! No more stress. No more sleepless nights. No more bibliographies. No more notecards!!

But, reality is never that great, is it, Viewer? No, Anna, it isn’t, you agree.  On the bright side, I’ve discovered some great research topics in this process. Share, Anna, share!  Okay, okay, Viewer, I’ll share a few.

How to Really Write a Term Paper

1. Document every source you glance at. Even if you don’t use it, cite it just to be safe.

2. Go one source at a time. Stay focused, and don’t go all “ADD” when looking at sources. Read them one by one.

3. On an internet search, don’t even look at stuff on a .com website. Go for .org’s or .gov’s.  But try to use  book/print sources as much as possible.

4. Don’t be close-minded. After researching all there is to know about The Pros and Cons of Personal Hygiene, you may have switched opinions in the process. That’s okay.

5. Be persuasive. After all, you don’t want to bore your reader to death with an 8 page paper of just facts and statistics. Put all that research to a good cause.

5 easy steps to make the term paper process slightly more bearable.  Good luck, and may the gods of excellent research and writing abilities smile upon you.

Two Reasons to Watch "Criminal Minds"

I love Criminal Minds. I mean, that and New Girl are my two favorite shows. I know, I know, you’re probably thinking that Criminal Minds is just another crime show that does the same stuff as all the others.

WRONG!

And I will let you know why. Below you will find my two most compelling pieces of evidence as to why Criminal Minds is a much better crime show than the others.

And...

Matthew Gray Gubler (Mr. Cutie Nerd) and Shemar Moore (Mr. Hunky Man) are my two best pieces of proof as to why everyone should watch Criminal Minds. MGG plays Dr. Spencer Reid, a twenty-something genius, and Shemar is SSA Derek Morgan who is all kinds of intensities. This post may or may not start a frenzy of posts about non-ugly guys I find appealing… *insert sheepish grin here* Stay tuned. ;)

There's No Hope for Me

You wanna know who doesn’t have a life? This girl right here. This girl didn’t even watch the ball drop on New Year’s. Yeah, instead she spent it watching this show about kittens with her mom. Granted the kitties were about the most adorable things I think I’ve ever seen in this earth, but still. At home. With my mom. Watching cats on TV.

Now, I’ve never been one to be the social butterfly who always has something to do or people to see, but c’mon, that doesn’t mean I can’t have a tiny social life. Does it?

Gee, I don’t even know how to begin to have a social life. Maybe if I write out all the reasons why I’m social-lifeless , I’ll be able to see where I can make changes – plus, I really like to make lists.

Why I Don’t/Can’t Have a Social Life

1. I live in a very conservative community, in which “going out” is defined as going to a “down town” coffee shop (the reason why I put down town in quotation marks is because I live in a village with 3.5 traffic lights.). 

2. I’m very involved in my school. I have a very heavy academic load, and with that comes a crap-ton of homework. Also, I am in the drama at my school which takes up much of my time after school’s finished. Sure, my friends are in the musical, too, but I don’t consider going to rehearsal a social outing… maybe I should. ;)

3. I don’t have a car to take me places. Without a car, I can’t go anywhere. “Why don’t you get rides with your friends who do have vehicles?” you purport. Viewer, that’s a great idea! I don’t know why I haven’t thought of it before (*note* the sarcasm). Yeah, that’s an option, but when I ask my friends for rides 3 to 4 times a week, that becomes a little much in my mind.

4. I am currently unemployed. No job = no money. No money = no life. However, this week I am submitting applications into employing establishments in my town (which are within walking distance). So, hopefully that situation will be rectified quickly.

5. I’m not into the party scene. Last year a guy graduated from my school who was notorious for throwing raves. I was invited to a few, but, from all the stories I heard, I didn’t want to go. Based on the descriptions, the raves were basically a group of sweaty teenagers cramped in a cleared out garage jumping around with strobe lights and fog machines. Then there were other, more questionable stories, like unauthorized beverages being passed about and couples doing “things” (if ya know what I mean). So, I never went.

A list of five. Five reasons why I’m stuck living forever in my mother’s house watching cats on TV. Help me?

Ports a Whaterism?

“Excuse me, Miss Porter, did you just say “ports a whaterism?” you ask.

Why, yes, Viewer, I did.

“But, what on earth do you mean by that?”

Well, “ports a whaterism” is exactly what a porterism is.

“…And that means…?”

A porterism is a language idiosyncrasy I’ve picked up from my family, namely my mother’s family. A porterism is basically the phrase that results in flipping or inverting consonants and/or vowels among two or more words. (Technically, in the real world, porterisms are spoonerisms. But, because my last name is Porter, and none of my friends had ever encountered anyone who did crazy stuff like that, they deemed them porterisms.)

“Okay, so now I know what it is, but how do I do it?”

Wonderful question, viewer, because it’s your lucky day! I am going to explain to you, in full, juicy detail how to construct your very own PORTERISM!!! *and the crowd goes wild!!!!*

First think of a simple phrase. For example, the first phrase that came to my mind was, “the dog was playful.”

Now, ask yourself what the two key words of that phrase are. I’ll just be here, waiting, as you ask yourself.

…

You figured out the answer? What did you come up with?

“Um, ‘dog’ and ‘playful.’”

Exactamundo! You are correct, Viewer!! Now, take the first letter(s) of those words and put them on each other.

“Okay, I think I got it.”

Did you get “The plog was dayful?”

“Yes!”

Viewer, you just made your first porterism!!!!  *a mini celebration ensues with piñatas and a small pyrotechnics show*

Porterisms are prolly pointless, but, they make life interesting sometimes. A wise woman (who happened to birth me) once said “try to find as much fun in a life that’s so serious.” And, for my family, that’s extremely word-nerdy, porterisms are something that just come naturally to us.

Funny story – you ready? Well, at first, I had to think about making a porterism. But now, sometimes if I’m really tired or excited (or just normal) a porterism will come out, and I don’t even notice it. I’ve even porterism-ed in Spanish. I’ve even done it – accidentally, of course – in front of the whole student body.

Funny story #2 – My aunt (my mother’s youngest sister), the person who invented the porterism even porterism-ed the Pledge of Allegiance. And, ohmigosh, is it ohsohilarious. She even tried to do it to some Bible verses.

Well, now the porterism has been demystified. Tune in next time for another surprise post here, on Just Another Porterism. That’s all I have for you today, folks; I’m Anna Porter, see you next time!

An Open Letter to the Viewers of this Blog

Dear Viewers,

Hey, and welcome to my blog! I hope you find your visit here pleasant :) But, before you go anywhere else, I just would like to point out a few things to you –

I will most likely abuse my right to use smiley faces. Pink is my very most favorite color. I like grammar a lot, but am okay with breaking some of the rules. :) I have a very personal relationship with my savior, Jesus Christ. I prolly will make stupid jokes and puns and porterisms (more on that later). I quote movies more often than necessary (probably). I have a passion for the theatre. Please, don’t bash Disney movies here, that would just sadden my day. I love, Love, LOVE music. So, if you have any suggestions, I’d be happy to receive them! :)

I don’t know that I have an intended goal for this blog yet, as this is my first post, and only today did I decide to start a blog. But, probably I can predict that many of these posts will be about the theatre, grammar, non-ugly boys, humor, music, books, movies, and a little bit about my life. So, if that doesn’t fancy you, I won’t be offended if you decide to take a break from here for a while.

Audrey Hepburn and Sandra Bullock are two of my most favorite actresses. My cat’s name is Mr. Monk (yes, he’s named after Mr. Monk from Monk!) Also, I tend to use parentheses quite a bit. I am a nerd at heart (you want proof? Just over Christmas break, I used the word “outlier” – yeah! “Outlier” from those ridiculous box-and-whisker plots we did in algebra.). Jane Austen is most likely my favorite author. Oh! I am big on women’s rights. No “yo mama” or any other “women bashing” jokes here, please!

I hope not to bore you here, but just bear with me; I’ll get better with time (fingers crossed!) ;)  Welp, that’s about it for now… :)

Love from,

Anna(: