Quips and Quirks of a Theatre-Bound Word Nerd

Tuesday, January 17, 2012

How to Write a Term Paper


Sorry, that was my head banging the keyboard numerous times to release my frustration. Why are you frustrated, Anna?  Thanks for asking, Viewer. I’m frustrated because I have to write four term (also called “research”) papers in two months. Yes. You read that correctly – FOUR!!!!!!! One’s due this Thursday – wish me luck.
So, amidst this torture my English classes have released upon me, I’ve come to realize what exactly it takes to write a term paper, and, being the kind and benevolent soul that I am (baha! Oh the sarcasm.), I thought I’d share with you my revelations.

How to Write a Term Paper in 5 Steps or Less
1. Go to www.google.com
2. Search “free term paper essays”
3. Download essay
4. Pick a few words and find synonyms for them
5. Turn it in

Actually, don’t do that. That’s called plagiarism. Which is bad. Real bad.  I have come to personally hate the concept of plagiarism, because, in order to prevent it, I have to cite my sources, insert parenthetical documentation, and make an effort to think of something original myself. Why can’t, when it comes to term papers, we just adopt those great socialist and communist ideals of “everybody shares everything!” Wouldn’t that be glorious?! No more stress. No more sleepless nights. No more bibliographies. No more notecards!!
But, reality is never that great, is it, Viewer? No, Anna, it isn’t, you agree.  On the bright side, I’ve discovered some great research topics in this process. Share, Anna, share!  Okay, okay, Viewer, I’ll share a few.

How to Really Write a Term Paper
1. Document every source you glance at. Even if you don’t use it, cite it just to be safe.
2. Go one source at a time. Stay focused, and don’t go all “ADD” when looking at sources. Read them one by one.
3. On an internet search, don’t even look at stuff on a .com website. Go for .org’s or .gov’s.  But try to use  book/print sources as much as possible.
4. Don’t be close-minded. After researching all there is to know about The Pros and Cons of Personal Hygiene, you may have switched opinions in the process. That’s okay.
5. Be persuasive. After all, you don’t want to bore your reader to death with an 8 page paper of just facts and statistics. Put all that research to a good cause.

5 easy steps to make the term paper process slightly more bearable.  Good luck, and may the gods of excellent research and writing abilities smile upon you.

Wednesday, January 11, 2012

Two Reasons to Watch "Criminal Minds"

I love Criminal Minds. I mean, that and New Girl are my two favorite shows. I know, I know, you’re probably thinking that Criminal Minds is just another crime show that does the same stuff as all the others.
And I will let you know why. Below you will find my two most compelling pieces of evidence as to why Criminal Minds is a much better crime show than the others.

Matthew Gray Gubler (Mr. Cutie Nerd) and Shemar Moore (Mr. Hunky Man) are my two best pieces of proof as to why everyone should watch Criminal Minds. MGG plays Dr. Spencer Reid, a twenty-something genius, and Shemar is SSA Derek Morgan who is all kinds of intensities. This post may or may not start a frenzy of posts about non-ugly guys I find appealing… *insert sheepish grin here* Stay tuned. ;)

Sunday, January 8, 2012

There's No Hope for Me

You wanna know who doesn’t have a life? This girl right here. This girl didn’t even watch the ball drop on New Year’s. Yeah, instead she spent it watching this show about kittens with her mom. Granted the kitties were about the most adorable things I think I’ve ever seen in this earth, but still. At home. With my mom. Watching cats on TV.
Now, I’ve never been one to be the social butterfly who always has something to do or people to see, but c’mon, that doesn’t mean I can’t have a tiny social life. Does it?
Gee, I don’t even know how to begin to have a social life. Maybe if I write out all the reasons why I’m social-lifeless , I’ll be able to see where I can make changes – plus, I really like to make lists.
Why I Don’t/Can’t Have a Social Life
1. I live in a very conservative community, in which “going out” is defined as going to a “down town” coffee shop (the reason why I put down town in quotation marks is because I live in a village with 3.5 traffic lights.). 
2. I’m very involved in my school. I have a very heavy academic load, and with that comes a crap-ton of homework. Also, I am in the drama at my school which takes up much of my time after school’s finished. Sure, my friends are in the musical, too, but I don’t consider going to rehearsal a social outing… maybe I should. ;)
3. I don’t have a car to take me places. Without a car, I can’t go anywhere. “Why don’t you get rides with your friends who do have vehicles?” you purport. Viewer, that’s a great idea! I don’t know why I haven’t thought of it before (*note* the sarcasm). Yeah, that’s an option, but when I ask my friends for rides 3 to 4 times a week, that becomes a little much in my mind.
4. I am currently unemployed. No job = no money. No money = no life. However, this week I am submitting applications into employing establishments in my town (which are within walking distance). So, hopefully that situation will be rectified quickly.
5. I’m not into the party scene. Last year a guy graduated from my school who was notorious for throwing raves. I was invited to a few, but, from all the stories I heard, I didn’t want to go. Based on the descriptions, the raves were basically a group of sweaty teenagers cramped in a cleared out garage jumping around with strobe lights and fog machines. Then there were other, more questionable stories, like unauthorized beverages being passed about and couples doing “things” (if ya know what I mean). So, I never went.

A list of five. Five reasons why I’m stuck living forever in my mother’s house watching cats on TV. Help me?

Friday, January 6, 2012

Ports a Whaterism?

“Excuse me, Miss Porter, did you just say “ports a whaterism?” you ask.
Why, yes, Viewer, I did.
“But, what on earth do you mean by that?”
Well, “ports a whaterism” is exactly what a porterism is.
“…And that means…?”
A porterism is a language idiosyncrasy I’ve picked up from my family, namely my mother’s family. A porterism is basically the phrase that results in flipping or inverting consonants and/or vowels among two or more words. (Technically, in the real world, porterisms are spoonerisms. But, because my last name is Porter, and none of my friends had ever encountered anyone who did crazy stuff like that, they deemed them porterisms.)
“Okay, so now I know what it is, but how do I do it?”
Wonderful question, viewer, because it’s your lucky day! I am going to explain to you, in full, juicy detail how to construct your very own PORTERISM!!! *and the crowd goes wild!!!!*
First think of a simple phrase. For example, the first phrase that came to my mind was, “the dog was playful.”
Now, ask yourself what the two key words of that phrase are. I’ll just be here, waiting, as you ask yourself.
You figured out the answer? What did you come up with?
Um, ‘dog’ and ‘playful.’”
Exactamundo! You are correct, Viewer!! Now, take the first letter(s) of those words and put them on each other.
“Okay, I think I got it.”
Did you get “The plog was dayful?”
Viewer, you just made your first porterism!!!!  *a mini celebration ensues with piñatas and a small pyrotechnics show*

Porterisms are prolly pointless, but, they make life interesting sometimes. A wise woman (who happened to birth me) once said “try to find as much fun in a life that’s so serious.” And, for my family, that’s extremely word-nerdy, porterisms are something that just come naturally to us.
Funny story – you ready? Well, at first, I had to think about making a porterism. But now, sometimes if I’m really tired or excited (or just normal) a porterism will come out, and I don’t even notice it. I’ve even porterism-ed in Spanish. I’ve even done it – accidentally, of course – in front of the whole student body.
Funny story #2 – My aunt (my mother’s youngest sister), the person who invented the porterism even porterism-ed the Pledge of Allegiance. And, ohmigosh, is it ohsohilarious. She even tried to do it to some Bible verses.

Well, now the porterism has been demystified. Tune in next time for another surprise post here, on Just Another Porterism. That’s all I have for you today, folks; I’m Anna Porter, see you next time!

Wednesday, January 4, 2012

An Open Letter to the Viewers of this Blog

Dear Viewers,

Hey, and welcome to my blog! I hope you find your visit here pleasant :) But, before you go anywhere else, I just would like to point out a few things to you –

I will most likely abuse my right to use smiley faces. Pink is my very most favorite color. I like grammar a lot, but am okay with breaking some of the rules. :) I have a very personal relationship with my savior, Jesus Christ. I prolly will make stupid jokes and puns and porterisms (more on that later). I quote movies more often than necessary (probably). I have a passion for the theatre. Please, don’t bash Disney movies here, that would just sadden my day. I love, Love, LOVE music. So, if you have any suggestions, I’d be happy to receive them! :)

I don’t know that I have an intended goal for this blog yet, as this is my first post, and only today did I decide to start a blog. But, probably I can predict that many of these posts will be about the theatre, grammar, non-ugly boys, humor, music, books, movies, and a little bit about my life. So, if that doesn’t fancy you, I won’t be offended if you decide to take a break from here for a while.

Audrey Hepburn and Sandra Bullock are two of my most favorite actresses. My cat’s name is Mr. Monk (yes, he’s named after Mr. Monk from Monk!) Also, I tend to use parentheses quite a bit. I am a nerd at heart (you want proof? Just over Christmas break, I used the word “outlier” – yeah! “Outlier” from those ridiculous box-and-whisker plots we did in algebra.). Jane Austen is most likely my favorite author. Oh! I am big on women’s rights. No “yo mama” or any other “women bashing” jokes here, please!

I hope not to bore you here, but just bear with me; I’ll get better with time (fingers crossed!) ;)  Welp, that’s about it for now… :)

Love from,